Death

Not a happy topic, but it has been on my mind lately. The date of my dads death just past, I can't call it the anniversary because I think of those has happy times. So that always leaves me feeling a little raw, even after all these years. I am now older than he was when he died and he has been gone longer that I knew him, so that is weird. I am always told I look like him, but now that I am older than he was I find myself puzzled when I look in the mirror, I see my mom now, where did that come from? I wish he had been around to see so much but especially to have been here for Anna. What would they have thought of each other?

The other reason death is so on my mind is my grandma. She had a stroke this last week, is no longer eating, and will probably not last much longer. So there is that. She is old, 91. I guess I should feel glad she lived so long and know it is time, but that sucks I think. Who really can wrap their head around death of a loved one. Whether too soon, like my dad, or of old age, like my grandma, it still just reminds me that our life is short. I should be doing more, living bigger I guess.

All those death thoughts have me wondering how to talk with Anna about it all. Death is scary to me so what must a 4 year old think? I don't really want to feed her the line of heaven and all that. I would feel a hypocrite telling her something when I don't buy it. So I guess we will just be honest, simple, and straight forward.

So, this was a depressing post. It could have been worse though, I have been on the edge with tears and deep sadness for several days, I could have dumped that all out here I guess, didn't seem necessary though. I said enough.

Is the placebo effect worth $6.99 a tube?

Do you take Airborne? You know that tasty fizzy miracle that will clear up that nasty cold. The one invented by a school teacher. It has vitamin c and other important ingredients. You’ve tried it, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. But still it gets used. Why?
We want to believe just like Fox Mulder and hey, it was invented by a school teacher right? They must know something about germs they are around them all the time, kids are gross. That is a weird argument from authority, I usually listen to people like, oh I don’t know, maybe doctors when it comes to being sick and teachers when I am worried about my kids ability to read.
We still use it, we still believe, even after a class action law-suit was brought against the makers for false advertising complaints, they settled for around $23.3 million. I don’t know, if I had the cure for the cold, I wouldn’t have settled, I would have fought because I was right. Part of the false advertising stemmed from their claim that it was tested in clinical trials, turns out they paid two guys who started up a business just to test Airborne. There were no doctors or scientists, who know what the protocols were. One of them did almost graduate from college though. Again if I had the cure for the cold I would want rock solid proof if worked I would have hired the best to run the trials….hmmmm.
We can’t even say well all that vitamin c is good for a cold, that hasn’t been proven. Do a search for vitamin c on pubmed, most of the scientific research is not looking good for vitamin c.
I don’t take Airborne anymore, I can’t take the false hope, or giving my money to people who seem to be knowingly deceptive. Other people do, I won’t make fun, they believe and the placebo effect is powerful, who am I to mess with people’s anecdotal evidence?

Here are some places to find out more about Airborne, they will link you to even more info about the lack of efficacy:
http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/zimney-health-and-medical-news-you-can-use/airborne-tablets-scam-costs-company-22-million-a-scambuster-update-2/


http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/04/makers-of-airborne-settle-false-ad-suit-with-refunds/



Want to look up studies on pubmed about vitamin c?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/

Filling My Time

So a little ramble today. I have a lot of hobbies. I like to bike ride, garden, read, costume, game, play musical instruments. I also like spending time with my family and learning new things. So why then, when I come home from work or find myself with free time on the weekend do I find myself not doing any of those things but instead, wondering what I should do, surfing the web or watching mindless tv (and I am not really even a big tv fan, except for "The Big Bang"). Why do I waste my precious time to myself not doing what I like or something productive.

I have a to do list at work to keep me focused and productive. Do I need a list of things do in my free time or is that weird? Or would I then develop a list of reasons to avoid my fun:

1. Too cold to ride the bike (I am a weather wimp, I like to ride in over 65 degree weather)
2. It is winter, I can't really garden right now.
3. I would love to play a game, Magic and D and D as solitare are no fun.
4. I am afraid to cut out and start sewing that costume because as much as I want a Star Trek costume, I don't want to screw up the expensive fabric.
5. I do want to brush up on my algebra, but I don't have a pencil.
6. I could sit down play my euphonium (if you don't know don't ask) or my harmonica but I might wake Anna from her nap.

So her I am right now avoiding my hobbies and interests on the internet, writing a blog post no one will read. But I did put become a better writer on my list of things to learn.

Maybe I'll just go work on my lists, I seem to get satisfaction from them.

Pretty pointless, I hope it didn't take you long to read this.

So Here Goes

My first entry. I feel like I need to say something really profound, but that is probably not going to happen. Instead, maybe a little introduction about who I am and why I think I have anything to say.

I am a educator, I have been for 20 years. I have taught 3-6 grade, college, and done professional development. I have my National Board Certification, recertified last year. I love the work. Probably more on that some other time.

I am a mom, kinda old but I only just grew up enough to be one. My daughter is 4, she is remarkable. More on that later too I suspect.

I am a huge geek. I used to be kind of bummed out about that but I have learned to love it. I game, Magic and D and D. I like to read and watch scifi and fantasy. I am a costumer, very fun and addictive. I will probably post a lot about all of that.

I like to work out and stay fit. I bike, mountain and road. I use P90X and Insanity and think they are awesome. I hope to do some sort of race this summer, still thinking about what.

So that is who I am briefly. Now why write a blog? I remember when I was in college and had just gotten out I had this idea that I would leave some sort of creative mark on the world, that I would leave some sort of legacy. I envisioned it would be some great work of art or literature. I tried but nothing came of it, I anguished over that for quite a long time. At some point I realized a life well lived was really much more important. I have become a very content and happy person. So all that said, this blog maybe boring, I don't have drama, or angst to write about. I also know that I am not a great writer so I will make grammar mistakes and it won't be prize winning prose. I do think I have some things to say about the passions in my life so maybe it will be interesting, maybe I will be the only one who reads it, I suspect I will get something from the writing either way.